I can remember the moment things changed like it was yesterday. We had just lost my cousin. She was a friend and someone I will always miss greatly. Even in her illness and heartbreak her words of encouragement were profound. When she passed I remember telling my husband I wanted to go to church that weekend. It felt like it was time to weave it into our lives. Whether it was because my soul, our marriage, our children needed it, or that my cousin would have wanted it doesn’t make a difference now. That decision changed everything.
There was something about this specific change to our lives that changed the way we lived. All of the good was highlighted and all of the struggles had to be faced. We pulled away from people and things that didn’t fill our cup. If that pertains to anyone reading this trust me, you too will benefit from our drawbacks. Life isn’t perfect now, but the things that fill my heart with peace and joy are.
My little chaos crew loves church. My oldest has become so intrigued and warmed by the lessons she learns. My middle and only son doesn’t put up a fight when we drop him off for class and that is good enough for me (for now). My youngest has adopted a loving following at our church. It’s hard to dismiss the idea that her purpose is to spread joy. My husband and I have a new dialogue. It doesn’t include anger, resentment, and irritation. It is a new direction and a new growth for us individually and as a couple. The growth we are making right now will impact our children and their families in the future. How amazing is that?! How amazing is it that one decision could change generations?
It would be a lie if I said this has all been one beautiful experience. I have had to identify things that have held me back and that part has been very against my nature. Loyalty is something I have held so high all of my life. I have had to look at loyalty a different way. I have been forced to recognize that the best me is the one that takes care of myself and identifies the things that fill my cup.
If you have stuck with me this far in you may have caught on that this very thing you are reading is part of me honoring what fills my cup. That simple handwritten journal I had started for my kids just may have been a segway for something.
TheHealingMom 